Christmas thoughts

When I wrote that post a couple of weeks ago on Narcissism I had a couple of people in my head that I knew in mind. I realise that inside everyone there is an ounce of narcissism and in some there is more than most.

I decided to publish it on LinkedIn in the hope it may grab the attention of others out there and put it out to an audience which is sometimes business related. Surprisingly it didn’t really get any hits and I felt a tinge of sadness knowing that one of the people I know could have actually read it.

The truth is we cannot always get people to like what we do, in fact doing that bit of writing allowed me to express what had been in my head for so long. Sometimes we go about our daily lives thinking everything is OK and then whamo something hits us like people that are a bit different to us and we start to question what is normal and what is not.

In my lifetime I have come across all sorts of characters. Some people gloat about having the best of this and the best of that and then you realise when you go to their home they have very little or are mortgaged up to their eyeballs trying to keep up with everyone else. And then when I travel I see people on the street, people begging for food, shelter, clothing, any  bit of money that will allow them to just get that loaf of bread or whatever other basic need they need.

Sometimes I look at people I know and think to myself how fortunate right now I have people that do care about me, do care about who I am as a person whether I am rich or whether I am poor. It has taken some time to build up those friendships but those that I have I am grateful for and those that I have met I quietly screen them to see if they are in it for the long haul.

I have been hurt just like everyone else. I sit, I grieve, I ponder, I get angry and then I learn to accept that it just wasn’t meant to be. This year my heart has been broken through the death of four people that were in my life. Two through illness and the other two through a terrible incident that never should have happened. I also found love again or at least I thought I had. Love is something that I treasure and I know that with me I need to find someone who will be sensitive to understand who I am and appreciate that I am not someone who will muck you about. I am honest and are have a pretty good grip on reality. But I am also sensitive, empathetic to others and sometimes have been known to love too much. That is my pitfall and the love I found was kind of in a different head space and right now I still don’t think he knows what he wants. He is successful in business but in his personal life, it makes me wonder. I thought considering what I know of him he would have been a mighty fine catch for a girl like me but over time I saw changes and some of those changes made me question things and it left me stuck for the rest of the year. He has to work things out himself, I cannot do that for him.

Next year I hope things will open my heart and mind that little bit more. I will continue to write in here and I will continue to share what is going on a little in my world. My life is continuously evolving and I enjoy it when I am setting new challenges for myself. My health has been affected this year by the way of a connective tissue disorder but I know that I am going to take each day as it comes with that and get on with the rest. I love to write as it gives me a way of expressing myself in ways that I would not always do. It helps me to release frustration too so if any of these posts don’t make sense you will know why. I am just getting things out. My other blogs are more structured.

Happy Christmas to you all.

Photo credit: Authors own collection
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