It’s OK to disagree and its OK to agree!

Sometimes there is this powerful force inside all of us that wants to be known. We want to feel important, validated and on par with other people. Some of us are very competitive will do anything to achieve this goal while others may sit back and do as little as possible. Either way the primary task is making ourselves known.

When we reach that certain point where we think we have people who follow us, believe in us, and go along with our product, service, or just us, we become more and more in tune to how that makes us feel inside and for many, its pretty good. Some just accept that good and enjoy the benefits it brings, others will crave it and want more and more almost to the point it’s an obsession and they get tangled up in forgetting what it was that brought this point in the first place.

In my life I have been in situations where I felt on top of the world, things were going really well for me and I was pushing ahead. But I know never forgot the little things, the minor things that helped me to reach what I had created that was so good. I learned to be humble, to accept that while this feeling was good and was to be enjoyed I needed to be mindful of how it would work best for others and whether or not it would benefit them. So I shared what I knew, I brought forward my ideas and I help others to formulate their own strategies in getting ahead just as I did. I cared about what they said and listened to what they needed and wanted.

It’s the same way with relationships.

By giving ourselves time with our mate and taking the time to get to know them is far more important than going out and having high expectations of what you think you know about them.

Life is tricky at the best of times and even I muddle through it knee-deep in  it when I hear, read or see little sarcastic comments and wonder where it all that came from within people.

Being your authentic self helps a long way but even then it doesn’t always guarantee that you will find happiness. What one will love about you the other will find infuriating so the best way is to keep going until we find someone who will accept you, your flaws and all that makes up you as the person that you are.

 In life I try to remain as true as I can to anyone that crosses my path. I blog, I tweet and use social media and in each of these places I ensure that I am the same person on here as I would be away from it and when a person meets me they are not in for any terrible surprise. I am as authentic as I can be but also understand that not everyone is going to like what I am writing.

 Being online can have it’s advantages where we can perhaps say a lot more, we can write to our hearts content and we can choose whether we want to read someone’s blog message or not. In life sometimes we come up against people who push themselves onto us trying to convert us by knocking on our door proclaiming that their way of life is the way and it will save us and protect us.

It is not until someone sees what you have written online and reads it and decides that they do not like it. I remember ages ago when I wrote in my book review page on a book that had slight tones that reminded me of a famous chef. There were a few harsh remarks about it and I took offense thinking to myself  Oh my god reader, this is just how I feel, I just want to give my view on something..  and that’s the rub whenever we try to be true to ourselves there is always someone out there that will try and take that away from us. They don’t get it, they don’t get you and what you have to say and what you are writing about, what you are talking about or reading about.

 And that is OK. It is OK to disagree, it is OK  if a person does not get you, online or offline. It is alright if we are not on the same page, really it is. Because it opens up a discussion, it allows us to communicate and where we do not have to nod our head and say Oh yes I agree with you when deep down inside of you, you really want to tell them that you don’t.

 Edward de Bono, a Maltese physician who invented lateral thinking  believes that if we do not know how to disagree we will never have a beautiful mind.

Even though disagreement can be unpleasant, it is often necessary for both the sake of the truth and in order to investigate any issue objectively and fully.

duuuk

There are those who disagree in a rude and aggressive way.

Bono suggests to be gentle when we disagree rather than being aggressive.

 
  1.    Do not disagree for the sake of disagreeing
  2. Do not disagree just to show how clever you are or to boost your ego.
  3. When you disagree, do so politely and gently rather than rudely and aggressively.
  4. You may need to disagree to point out that a fact or a statement is simply wrong.
  5. You may need to point out errors of logic or to show a conclusion does not necessarily follow what went before.
  6. You may need to point out selective perception and particular interpretations of statistics or events.
  7. Where emotions, prejudices and stereotypes appear to be used, you may want to indicate this.
  8. You may want to disagree to show a different personal experience.
  9. Almost always you will want to challenge sweeping generalisations.
  10. You will want to challenge conclusions based on  extreme extrapolations into the future.
  11. It is very important to challenge ‘certainty’ and to suggest ‘possibility’ instead.
  12. Distinguish between having a different opinion and disagreeing with an opinion.

Retrieved from How to have a Beautiful Mind – Edward de Bono page 26 (2004)

Misunderstood – Robbie Williams
Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYAifpU8S3E

If we agreed to everything a person told us, things would become boring, static and remain the same. We would not be open to new things, new ideas or suggestions and we end up just continuing on that same old journey we have travelled along, not wishing to branch out and try something new.

By embracing things we can become more open to what is around us. We can appreciate others and other things. While travelling abroad, I make sure that I get out as much as I can and sometimes I am that traveller that goes off the beaten track to see what is lurking behind the scenes, looking for that adventure and to discover something that teensy bit different to what is out there.

Once again de Bono teaches that being interesting is far more important than winning in an argument and it’s not about seeing who is the most clever, it’s about showing an interest, by taking an active interest in a conversation and looking out for those possibilities and alternatives that make the conversation more interesting. It all begins with being able to open our minds and if someone has a great idea that you are interested in, learn to go with it and seek to find out other ways in which you can help develop that interest even further… Make connections, explore possibilities and reach out to experiences that are new and creative.

Above all.. HAVE FUN!

Photo credit: Jill Clardy via Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA
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